Why do you stay where you are?
The anti-exit interview question you should ask yourself
Hi, I’m Tineke, coach for change-making, creative, multi-passionate, hard-working women. I publish my newsletter here every Friday, focusing on ONE topic to do with your career, career change, happiness, women and work, creativity and books (I love books!).
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I’ve only ever done ONE exit interview. I was cornered by the Director and Project Director, and couldn’t get out of it.
I politely let rip.
The Project Director afterwards told me ‘I played a blinder’. Which I took to mean that the feedback was gratefully received.
But no, I didn’t do exit interviews. Wouldn’t do exit interviews now.
Why?
Because I believe that they are not in my interest. (One of my BIG lessons in work was a throwaway comment from someone I worked with, who said ‘That is THEIR agenda’. Which I have applied to my work ever since.)
At best you - yes - play a blinder. You feel better for having said what you said, and you haven’t made yourself look like a blubbering idiot.
At worst, yeah, you do just that. Burning all your bridges behind you in the process.
And also? You left a LONG time ago. Long before you actually handed in your resignation letter. Did they ask then? Did they act on your feedback then?
Exactly.
The thing is: an exit interview is there for organisations to understand why people leave.
For you? I’m much more interested in why you STAY.
So let’s go there.
Why do you stay where you are?
We’ve all been there. On a gloomy Tuesday morning, in the train on your way to work. Or something. (Tuesdays are the WORST, right? Do we all agree? The excitement of the Monday all but whittled away, with still a whole lot of week to go!).
You’re on your way into work and you catch yourself thinking: WHY am I doing this again?
The reasons why you took the job in the first place
There were reasons why you joined the organisation you work for. The salary (obvs). But also the job itself, the colleagues, the location, the challenge ahead, the opportunities, the values, a gut feeling even.
Can you still remember why you joined?
How did all those things pan out for you?
WERE the colleagues nice? Were the opportunities there? Were the values printed on that nice-looking poster next to the ladies toilet what was actually being acted upon in practice?
I think that it’s a GREAT idea to - every now and again - ask yourself those questions.
Did the job live up to the expectations you first had?
Because the thing is: despite your research, despite the lovely conversations you had during recruitment, the reality might have turned out completely differently.
Is that what you signed up for?
The reasons you stay
Whilst you’re busy working in your job things change:
The organisation goes through changes, including a change of culture
Your colleagues or manager leave and are replaced by others, and - above all -
YOU change
(Interesting fact: they say that ALL the cells in your body renew every seven years - presumably not in one go 🤔 - making you a totally NEW person! There’s probably LOTS wrong with this reasoning, but isn’t the idea of this just MARVELLOUS?)
What I’m saying here is:
It’s not just about considering what you wanted when you first joined. That may well be AGES ago!
No, what if you considered WHO you are now, HOW you’ve changed, and WHAT you want now? What if you consider what is STOPPING you from leaving?
So that you can think clearly about if the job you’re doing, in the organisation you’re working for, is still what you want?
In other words: what are the reasons you have decided to STAY?
(Plus, bonus question: was that a conscious DECISION? Or did you sleepwalk into carrying on?)
The reasons you re-commit
I hope that - by now - you’ve taken out your notepad and have started to write down some scribbles. A pros and cons list, if you want. And nothing on that list is trivial.
Is the location of your place of work important? Write it down in the pros list. Do you have amazing benefits at your place of work? Yep, no shame in that. Write it down. Is there a reorganisation on the horizon? That *might* go on the cons list. Is there ONE particular horrible person you’re working with, your toxic boss, that narcissistic senior manager? Yep.
The point is that there are reasons you’ve decided to stay up until now.
But what about the future?
Now that you’ve got your list, will you re-commit?
The answer is (isn’t it always?): it depends.
It depends on what the future of your organisation, your job, looks like.
But also it depends on what your job, your career in this organisation is going to look like:
Is staying here helping you to thrive?
What opportunities are there for you to make your job (now) better?
To what extent will you have the ability to grow and develop, both professionally and personally, whilst in this job?
Who’s in favour of ‘stay’ interviews?
I told you about my dislike of ‘exit’ interviews. Because I don’t believe they’re in your interest.
‘Stay’ interviews however? Now that’s a totally different thing.
For you:
Because thinking about what you want and objectively considering if your current job and future opportunities measure up to that is a GREAT thing to do.
Having a ‘stay’ interview with your manager (and isn’t that what your performance review is all about?) helps you gauge further if you’re going to be able to progress in the direction you’ve decided on.
For your manager:
My Project Director back then thanked me for my feedback. Because feedback is useful. To understand how best to support their teams in their growth and career direction. To support their team in opening up opportunities for them. To help create the environment in which their team can do their best work.
Not after the person (you) has already made the decision to leave.
But when you’re still there. When you’re still willing to re-commit.
A positive re-commitment to your organisation, your job, your career.
Instead of having a sweaty 45 minute exit interview, cornered by two directors into a windowless meeting room, weeks - no MONTHS - after you made the decision to leave. For instance 🙄.
Now what do you say: when was the last time YOU thought long and hard why you’re staying where you are?
I can’t WAIT to hear what you’ll do next.
See you next week!
Tineke X
P.S. Do you want to consider your career next steps? Deep-dive into what you really want? Let’s talk! Book a call now and I can tell you all about my Career Freedom coaching programme.
🔴🟡🟠
Tineke Tammes is a Career & Creativity Coach and supports professional women in making successful transitions. Besides that she is also a lifelong feminist, part-time portrait artist, never-only-read-one-book-at-any-time reader, and obsessive doodler.
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A stay interview is a much more valuable proposition for an organisation, and employee, because the possibilities for growth and improvement are huge. I love it, Tineke. But how many would be willing to try?