Why I'm not talking about weaknesses
Well, with this ONE exception …
Hi, I’m Tineke, coach for change-making, creative, multi-passionate, hard-working women. I publish my newsletter here every Friday, focusing on ONE topic to do with your career, career change, happiness, women and work, creativity and books (I love books!).
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‘But … when will we be talking about weaknesses?’, I was asked.
You see, it made me sit up and think about it for a little while.
Because the question was a pertinent one. One that we’re being asked all the time. Through school, university, and then into work. One that then leads us to personal development plans, self-help books, a skewed focus in your performance reviews and - yes - even coaching.
‘What are your weaknesses?’, is the question. A question asked by others, or - more commonly - by ourselves, after which we generally quietly scuttle away to go and improve ourselves.
Yet, I don’t talk about it. About weaknesses, I mean.
I don’t talk about it in my discovery calls. I don’t talk about it in my Career Freedom programme (OK, with one small exception, which I’ll talk about later). I don’t talk about it in coaching.
So, having been asked that question, and quickly cobbling together an answer there and then, I thought about it some more.
Which is why I’m now writing this newsletter. With a more considered response.
Why I’m not talking about weaknesses
A positive psychology informed coaching approach
If you were to ask me straight, I’d give you this answer.
I imagine it like this. We meet on Zoom, and you ask me ‘What informs your coaching approach?’ (Asked no one, EVER).
And I would say ‘My coaching approach is informed by the learnings from the study of happiness and wellbeing, positive psychology’.
You would sit back in your chair with a sigh of relief, reassured that I know what I’m talking about.
Except there’s one issue with that. You never ask that. So I never get to explain what it means.
And what it means is this: when you and I talk I see sitting in front of me a person who is whole, who is resourceful, who has great strengths. Sometimes you’re unhappy, caught up in an unhealthy situation, feeling a lack of confidence. Sometimes you are not unhappy, but just a bit - restless, unclear, lacking focus and clarity on what’s next.
Where you want to get is - not to a ‘neutral’ space, where you’re no longer deeply unhappy, but to a place where you’re happy, where you can THRIVE.
THAT, in essence is what Positive Psychology is all about. About understanding what it means to flourish. About taking determined steps to get there. Which is what I can help you with in my Career Freedom programme.
The importance of strengths
Positive psychology teaches us that - for us to be happy and thrive, we need to use and build on our natural character strengths as much as possible. (And if you want to find out what your strengths are, you can do that here. Please feel free to share the results with me if you’d like to have a further conversation).
That means that - when you and I are working together - we’ll be uncovering those strengths, understand to what extent you are using them now and in which environment you would be able to use them more and in the most optimal way.
Yes.
Stop here for a moment.
Because what this means is that what I’m saying is this:
You have GREAT strengths, you may just be underusing them where you are.
We need to design and create the ENVIRONMENT around you in which you can use those strengths to greatest effect
No self-help. No improvement.
Just you and your in-built strengths, working in an environment where you can use those strengths to the max.
The impact of using your strengths
Your strengths are unique to you. There are 24 character strengths. Which means that your particular combination of strengths is unique to you.
Using your strengths - ideally for something fulfilling - will make doing those things feel easy. They come naturally to you, because you’re making the best use of your naturally allocated strengths.
It has also been proven that using your strengths makes you happier. Using your strengths has proven effective in lowering depression for three to six months.
What you’re GREAT at
‘Yes, but …’ I can hear you say.
‘How can my CHARACTER strengths tell me what I should DO?’
Let me go there too.
Because, of course your CHARACTER strengths, are all about the natural abilities you’re born with. Your wicked sense of humour. Your kindness. Your zest for life. Your appreciation for beauty and excellence. Your love of learning.
These strengths inform what you DO, and how you do it.
If your character strength is hope, you might be the eternal optimist. You may see opportunities everywhere, have unbridled optimism for the future and bundles of energy to make that happen.
If your character strength is humour, you might - yes - be a comedian, or you might thrive in situations where you can bring your sense of humour to work, lighten the mood and make work FUN.
If your character strength is love of learning, you may want to think about how you can continue to grow in your career.
Then there’s your talents. The things that you’re naturally good at. The things you can improve even further by doing LOTS of it.
What you DO, what you would ALWAYS do, what you’ve invested lots of time and effort into becoming great at, what’s your - dare I say it - PASSION, is important in this too.
Because what has your interest, what is your passion, what you do LOTS of, what you would do even if you didn’t get paid for it, is - inevitably - what you’re great at doing.
And finally your skills. The things you’ve learned to do. Even if you’re not particularly enjoying using them. Let me be clear: They’re skills, not strengths.
When we DO talk about weaknesses
Remember us talking about designing your career, creating the environment in which you can use your natural strengths and THRIVE?
Yes, we can sometimes find ourselves in the wrong environment. In an environment where our greatest strengths become weaknesses.
(I always think about this story of the violinist in the London Underground, collecting a few pennies and pounds in his upturned hat. Only to - that evening - play in the Royal Albert Hall, to an ecstatic audience of hundreds and earning lots of money).
Your curiosity, your ability to ask the awkward questions, your natural striving for beauty and excellence, might lead to irritated sighs and rolling of eyes at work. Whilst in another environment this quality is seen as an asset!
This is not about ‘filling the gap’
You see, in school, in university, at work, we’re so used to having to ‘fill the gap’ between what an ‘ideal’ worker is and where we’re still falling short.
But when you’re changing careers you’re not talking about how you can fit into a box. How you can measure up to an - as yet unknown - ideal.
No, we’re talking about an upside down approach to career development. We’re talking about you, now. About who you are already, right now. And who you can become if you could use your strengths to the max. In an environment that supports that.
We’re talking about designing and creating the environment around US, not shoehorning ourselves into ill-fitting boxes.
So, in which environment would YOUR weaknesses turn out to be strengths?
Oh, and ONE other thing why I don’t talk about weaknesses
We have - everyone has - a negativity bias. A bias towards negativity, to save us from danger. A very useful evolutionary tool.
It has been proven that you need at least 3 positive thoughts to counteract 1 negative one.
When I talk to you you find all this talk about strengths HARD. You can rattle off all your shortcomings easily, but talking about strengths? About what you’re GREAT at? Not so much.
Which makes it even more important to do just that: talk about strengths. Let the weaknesses look after themselves for a while.
So there you go. THAT’s why I don’t talk about weaknesses.
Which leaves me with ONE question only.
What are YOUR strengths? And how are you using them at work? (OK, yes, that’s two).
See you next week!
Tineke X
P.S. I have space to work with ONE client starting in May. Do YOU want to build your career on YOUR strengths?
Sorry, what’s that? You don’t know what they are? Let’s TALK! Book a call with me by using the button below. I can’t WAIT to meet you!
🔴🟡🟠
Tineke Tammes is a Career & Creativity Coach and supports professional women in making successful transitions. Besides that she is also a lifelong feminist, part-time portrait artist, never-only-read-one-book-at-any-time reader, and obsessive doodler.
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