What strategies can I use to manage uncertainty and fear of failure?
There is only now …
Hi, I’m Tineke, coach for women feeling stuck in their careers. I publish my newsletter here every Friday, focusing on ONE topic to do with your career, career change, happiness, women and work, creativity and books (I love books!).
I’d LOVE it if you decided to sign up for my Career Freedom newsletter so that you can get it delivered straight into your mailbox every Friday!
In November and December last year I did a thing. I asked ChatGPT what the Top 10 questions asked by career changers were. And started to give MY take on them here.
I got to Question #7 - and promised that I would answer the last 3 this year.
Last week I answered question number 8 (about alignment of values). Today I’m answering this one:
What strategies can I use to manage uncertainty and fear of failure?
I’m diving straight in. And I’m going to say this: We worry too much.
That’s my conclusion. (And yes, I’m saying that to myself as much as I’m saying it to you).
Why do I say that?
For a number of reasons:
There is only now. Eckhart Tolle says it in his book The Power of Now. There is - literally - only the now where you can take action and make a difference. The past has already happened. The future has yet to happen, and can only be influenced by the action we take right now. With no certainty of what the outcome will be (as there are many more factors influencing that outcome).
We can’t predict the future. Yes, we all LOVE to think that we can. But the truth is, we can’t. We can only take the action we THINK may lead to the outcome we want in the future.
The VAST majority of what’s happening around us, even with us, is outside of our control. We can’t control election results, wars, pandemics, the job market or what our senior management decides is the right way to run their business.
So what - exactly - when it comes to changing your career are you worried ABOUT?
Managing uncertainty
So, let’s stick to the uncertainty you’re experiencing when you’re changing your career. (After all, that’s why you’re asking ChatGPT, right?).
The ‘messy middle’
You wanting to change your career (because you’re unhappy, bored, frustrated, or ready for a new challenge) is a change.
Any change starts with an ending, then enters a transition phase (the ‘messy middle’) and then moves towards a new beginning.
If you are in a stage where you’re considering, or have started taking steps towards a career change (and yes, asking ChatGPT this or any question about career change counts!) then you are already in a stage where you’re coming to the end of the ending.
You’re contemplating a time when you’re no longer doing what you’re doing now. You’re considering a new era. You’re entering the ‘messy middle’, where you don’t know where you’re going (yet), but you do know it’s no longer where you are (or were).
Acknowledge this space you’re finding yourself in. It’s the messy middle. You *may* be in for a bumpy ride!
Trusting in yourself
How much do you trust yourself? How much do you trust that you will find a solution and make that a reality?
It’s tempting to believe that our external world rules our ability to navigate that world.
You can’t control everything around you. But what you CAN control? You. You and your behaviour. And how you THINK about your THOUGHTS.
Cryptic?
You see, people have up to 70,000 thoughts a day. Seventy THOUSAND. That’s just over 1 every waking second. Sounds true to you? Yeah, me too.
You’d have a full-time job keeping up with that many thoughts. Let alone believing them.
Thoughts, I’ve come to think of them, are just clouds. They drift in and out. You can choose to make them into great big thunderclouds. Or you can decide that your thoughts are not you. That you get to trust in that person who is OBSERVING all those clouds.
(THAT’s what we’ll be doing in my Positive Intelligence programme, which I’ll tell you all about below.)
The YOU that’s observing all this busy-ness going on in your head is the REAL you. And she is perfectly capable of making the decisions needed to go where you want to go. I’m saying it, and I’d LOVE for you to believe it too.
Accepting and navigating uncertainty
What I want to say with the above is this. You’ve already got everything you need to navigate uncertainty. Which there will be when you embark on change.
So, let’s double back a little bit.
Because what IS it that you’re uncertain about? What fears are coming up for you when you’re contemplating this next step in your life? Feel the emotions that come up with those fears.
Too many people are fearful of facing what’s really bothering them and then get cowed back to the situation they wanted to change in the first place.
It takes courage and vulnerability and buckets of self-awareness to accept your fears. To thank your inner challengers (your Saboteurs) for bringing those fears out into the open.
So that you can then move forward in breaking those fears down into manageable chunks you can address. To make a plan (I love a good plan!) to find the answers which minimise those fears.
And take those next steps.
Managing fear of failure
You’re finding yourself on that edge. Not wanting to go back (you CAN’T!), but unable to move forward. Afraid you might fail.
What IS fear of failure?
I’m going to say something here. We fail every day. YOU fail every day. You do something wrong, have little mishaps, things don’t go to plan. You don’t worry about that too much.
You know what worries you?
The things that happen as a result of that failure.
That’s why - when I asked people to identify what change they’d make in their career if there was NO consequence, if they were completely SAFE, the results were AMAZING (you can still see it here).
Psychologists have identified the five main things that people think a fear of failure will lead to:
Experiencing shame and embarrassment
Readjusting how you see yourself
Having an uncertain future
Upsetting important others
Important others losing interest
YOU may be experiencing any of these too. (Are you? Let me know in the comments, or send me a message!)
What to DO about fear of failure
Other people
The fear of failure, as we have seen, is closely related to other people. Or rather, to what you THINK about other people. What YOU think THEY might think. (Are you still with me?)
The truth is, you can divide people up into two groups:
People that you NEED - Your friends and family. Your partner. But also, your contacts. The people that can help you move forward.
People that you don’t need - The rest.
Unfortunately we think WAY too much about the latter group. That colleague who you just KNOW will be sneering about your career next step. Your family member who has taken GREAT effort in advising you on what you should be doing (thank, but no thanks, uncle John!). Even subconsciously these people influence how we think about our next steps. Make us fearful to take even the first tiny step forward.
Whilst, really, and you know this, it’s only the people that you NEED that you really - well - need. Those are the people you should think about, plan for, but - most importantly - talk to. Early and often. So that they come WITH you on that journey. Even if you don’t know - yet - where that journey is going to lead.
Money
Dare I address the elephant in the room? Yes, money.
I wrote a whole newsletter about it a few years back (you can find it here).
My view on the sticky subject of money is this:
We all have our own views of money, our money mindset and our own fears and worries about the consequences if things go wrong. However, when you’re considering a career change, when you’re secure in a job, thinking about money, your financial security, BEFORE you’ve even considered what you’d like to do? Is a surefire way to stop you dead in your tracks - before you’ve even started!
No, a much better way to address this is when you’re CLEAR on what you want. Because then - and only then - will you know what you’re likely to get paid, which you can weigh up against your outgoings and consider as part of your financial security.
(It’s why money is the topic of conversation in Step 5 of my Career Freedom programme).
Your transformation
And, finally, sometimes I encounter people who are starting to doubt what they WANT, because things may not be going their way. They get stopped in their tracks because there are obstacles to overcome.
The thing is, you’ll KNOW if something is right for you. If you’re taking the right direction. Just like you know when something is no longer right for you.
Because it will be your inner wisdom (your Sage) doing the talking, which comes accompanied by positive emotions and excitement. Where your fears talk to you through negative emotions, doom and gloom.
So, what do I want to say with all this? That the way you’re feeling is valid. That the reason you’re contemplating a change are all valid. That your sense of ‘is this it?’ has led you to EXACTLY the place where you should be. Here. Now. On the brink of a period of growth.
Exciting? Yes. Scary? Obviously. But the right place? Even if you don’t know where you’re ending up? Most definitely.
And THAT, my friends, is surely the most important thing you need to know, right?
Let’s not let fear of failure and uncertainty stop us in our tracks. Let’s instead get going on taking those next steps you can take right now, today.
After all, there is only now. Right?
Right!
Tineke X
Ideas Club
It’s HERE! Ideas Club is here!
On Wednesday 29 January at 5 pm UK time we’re back with the next iteration of Ideas Club!
So, what IS Ideas Club? In Ideas Club we generate ideas! But wait, that’s not all. And this is new: we’ll also learn ONE creative thinking technique. Together.
It’ll be interesting. It’ll be creative. It’ll be FUN!
And you’re invited! THIS is how YOU can get involved:
Sign up now by hitting the button below for your one-off workshop on the 29th, or
Subscribe to the PAID version of this newsletter and you’re guaranteed a place EVERY month in Ideas Club AND will get FREE access to my new community Change Artists
Coming?
Book your FREE Saboteur Discovery Call
Your Saboteurs are - well - sabotaging you! They’re STOPPING you from doing something scary, like making a career transition. From making your dream career (and life) happen. From starting (and finishing) that creative project.
For you to move forward, for you to find sensible solutions to real issues, you need to know who your Saboteurs are. So that you can come up with ways of moving beyond the fears, away from the sabotaging voices in your head, beyond the obstacles.
So, let's go and find out what is keeping you stuck in the Saboteur Discovery Call.
When you book I’ll send you an online assessment, followed by our 45 minute session in which I’ll teach you some of the techniques to help you reduce the noise of your Saboteurs (so that you can get to hear the REAL you, your Sage) and in which we’ll talk about how your Saboteurs are keeping you stuck.
Think of it as your very FIRST step toward YOUR career freedom and making your VISION for your work and life come true!
And during January and February a Saboteur Discovery Call is ABSOLUTELY FREE!
Coming?
Positive Intelligence programme
This year I’ll again run a number of Positive Intelligence group programmes, in which you’ll learn to:
Quieten your Saboteurs
Improving your self-command
Learn to use your ‘Sage’ (inner wisdom and creative) powers, and
Improve your performance, relationships and wellbeing
The first group will start at the end of February. Book your Saboteur Discovery Call to find out more (see above) - or put your name on the waiting list now!
(Here is what others said:
Needs no further introduction. Other than to say that this is one of the books that shaped my life. And for that reason alone I’m thrilled to say that we’re back in March 2025 for another round of The Artist’s Way Group, including the (resistance against the) Morning Pages, the Artists Dates and LOTS and LOTS of creativity!
If YOU want to know when the doors open then make sure your name is on the waiting list!
🔴🟡🟠
Tineke Tammes is a Career & Creativity Coach and supports professional women in making successful transitions. Besides that she is also a lifelong feminist, part-time portrait artist, never-only-read-one-book-at-any-time reader, and obsessive doodler.
Sign up to the newsletter and get it delivered to your inbox every Friday.
Signed up but now considering the paid subscription? Go here to find out how and what you’ll get. And thank you!
Already signed up? Why not share the newsletter with your friends?