Want to fight?

Or the art of going with the flow

Drawing by Tineke Tammes

Twelve years old. Stark naked, apart from the bright green plastic shoes. 

My parents had taken us on holiday to the south of Brittany. To a naturist camping and now beach. 

The sun was shining. The waves of the Atlantic Ocean were crashing onto the shore.

I was in my element. Waiting for the 'right' wave. Trying to catch the wave and body board all the way to the beach.

I remember it well: the feeling of being carried to the shore on my stomach. 

Being spat out on the shoreline, my skin being scraped by the course sand. My sister frantically trying to dislodge four kilos of sand out of the swimsuit she stubbornly insisted on wearing. 

Running back into the water. Starting it all over again. 

'How long do you think you were in the water', my mum asked. 

'Twenty minutes?', I guessed. 

'Two and a half hours', she answered. 

Today I want to talk to you about control. 

I'm telling you, because from what I've just written down that might not be immediately obvious 😆. 

You see, when you're in the sea like that, the last thing you are is in control. 

The best - no ALL - you can do is ride the waves. 

And in actual fact, when you ARE riding the waves, you know what you're experiencing? 

Yes. Flow. Bliss. Two and a half hours of total happiness. Flown by in what - honestly! - didn't feel any longer than twenty minutes. 

Except you forget. 

I forgot. 

But was brought back to this memory over the last week or so. 

You see, control is a BIG thing. It is for me. I want to say 'was', but that wouldn't be the truth. 

Is it for you? 

We're trying to control things. Tightly. Plan things to within an inch of its life. Leave no stone unturned. Think of every risk. Plan for it, categorise it, label it and manage it out of existence if we can. 

Except. 

Except for people, circumstances, OUTCOMES and the effect on YOU. 

Circumstances

To what extent are you able to CONTROL things around you? World peace? Hunger? Inequality? 

Or even your work environment, your home, and where you live and work? 

Yes, you can play your part. You may even be able to influence change. 

But control? How much control do you really have? 

People

You can't control people. And you shouldn't want to either. People are unpredictable and unique. They ARE. YOU are. 

Yes, you can (learn to) influence others. You do that now. 

But controlling? Nah. 

Outcomes

You're working SO hard. Plan EVERYTHING. So that you can achieve the outcomes you want. 

But guess what? You might not. 

You might NOT finish that project successfully. You might NOT end up in the board room. You might NOT become a famous artist. You might NOT build a business.

Or you might. 

What you DO is in your hands. What happens as a result? Not so much. 

You

You are in control of you. In fact, that's the only thing you're fully in control of. 

Your thoughts are not you. Your worries are not you. You can manage your emotions and thoughts, through mindfulness, yoga and journaling. Oh, and by doing something creative. That too. Or - yes - by going for a swim. 

You can CHOOSE to fight, of course you can. And sometimes you have to.  

But always fighting leaves an imprint on your body. Your body remembers the stress and keeps it inside.

No, sometimes, just sometimes, it's good to be reminded of another way. 

That - instead of fighting, of trying to CONTROL - you can CHOOSE to ride the waves. To learn to surf more effectively. 

Because sometimes we forget the BENEFITS of going with the flow, of riding the waves. Of the intense joy and happiness you'll experience. 

Sometimes it takes a memory like I shared with you to teach you a lesson about yourself. 

So what do I want to say with all of this? 

I'd LOVE to think that you - also - may be able to think back to a time when you were in flow. 

• What were you doing? 

• How were you feeling? 

• Where do you (still) feel it in your body? 

• What can your younger you teach you? 

I'd LOVE to hear what YOU find!

P.S. Fed up of fighting? Want to find YOUR flow? Let's chat! I'm offering a FREE call to explore how we can work together to help YOU create a happy career (and life). 

Are you coming? 

🔴🟡🟠

Tineke Tammes is a Career & Creativity Coach and supports professional women in making successful transitions to careers of Freedom, Flexibility and Fulfilment! Besides that she is also a lifelong feminist, part-time portrait artist, never-only-read-one-book-at-any-time reader, and obsessive doodler.

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