The issue I have with expectations ...
Life is what happens when you're making other plans. Right?
Life is what happens when you’re making other plans, is what John Lennon said.
I read Meditations for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman.
And it’s this quote that struck me. I screenshotted it especially to share it with you today.
C.S. Lewis, John Lennon and now Oliver Burkeman too. They’re all saying the same thing:
You can have the best plans in the world, your calendar neatly organised, time blocked out to do the work you set out to do.
In other words, you may have expectations of yourself, expectations of how things ‘should’ go, expectations of how others will react, expectations of how your life and career will pan out.
But in the end - I’ve learned- don’t let all those expectations take you away from where life actually happens - in the here and the now. That same here and now that doesn’t take a blind bit of notice of your expectations.
And also, don’t let those expectations and the frustrations you might be feeling as a result of not meeting them overwhelm what’s happening right now, right here.
Why does this strike me so hard?
Because - of course - I’m writing this newsletter a full FOUR days after my normal scheduled day for it. My normal quiet Sunday morning somehow frittered away (spot the language here), by - I don’t even know - just STUFF, life stuff. Doing stuff that - yes - probably needed doing too. But somehow felt like taking me away from what I’ve chosen to call ‘the real stuff’, the real me, the one who wants to write to you, on a Sunday morning, like clockwork.
In other words, my expectations overridden by life.
It made me think about how we can sometimes live so much as a slave to our expectations:
Looking forward to that holiday in 2 months’ time, only to find that you catch a flu and can’t go.
Anticipating how events will turn out, only to find out - once you arrive at precisely THAT moment, that event, that happening - that nothing is as you imagined it would be. (I read this story once. It was about this couple who had organised their wedding to find that only 5 out of 60 people turned up. Devastating, right? Except they decided to have the BEST time. And yes - called the local TV station so that people like me could read it on the internet. That too).
Having expectations of where you’ll be finding yourself in your career, your life, only to realise that the day-to-day DOING of that career is not (at ALL) what you enjoy doing.
And yes, writing a newsletter on the exact date, the exact time, like clockwork every week. As if I were a robot.
The thing is, you are what you do.
And what I mean by that is:
That holiday you couldn’t go on? Your body told you something was wrong. You HAD to rest and get better. You may have had the opportunity to read those books, being looked after by your loved ones. Drink copious amounts of tea and chicken soup. Feel a little bit sorry for yourself, but also secretly like a little girl looked after by your mum on a clandestine day off school.
That event you had planned every little detail for? Only to find that people didn’t turn up, that arrangements you made didn’t quite work out the way you wanted them to?Look around you: the event was still brilliant, you had great fun and a sense of achievement regardless.
You’re not where you expected to be in your career? Or you ARE there but you’re not liking what you thought was going to be great? Again, look around you. And appreciate the things that ARE there, the things that you DO enjoy doing, the people you meet, the relationships you get to build.
You adapted, you changed plans, you gave in, you did the things that were important, you were creative, you weren’t rigid, you were free-flowing and flexible, dancing in the moment.
Because keeping to rigid plans somehow never works out the way you want it to.
Because our ability to know what we want in the future is notoriously bad anyway.
Because what’s important is what is here, right now.
Because life is what happens when you’re making other plans.
Those are not interruptions, or a hindrance to your REAL life. Those are not thwarted expectations.
Those things are your actual life.
It’s up to you to notice them, to resolve to change them if you don’t like what your life has become, and to enjoy them as REAL. To find the beauty in those moments. To learn. And to dance with what life brings you.
Not to stick to expectations, which are no more than promises to yourself, written in air. Not to get frustrated.
But instead, to enjoy a life you can be grateful for. A life you built.
And that, my friends, is where I’m going to leave it today.
Because there’s a cup of tea with my name on it waiting for me. Interrupting my work. In a good way. And I fully intend to enjoy it.
See you soon!
Tineke X
P.S. Do YOU find yourself in a position where you want to make changes to your career? Where you don’t like where you’re finding yourself? Where you’ve drifted into a career, but now are waking up to the reality that This. Is. Not. It?
Let’s chat! Let’s chat and talk about where you’re finding yourself. About where you’d LIKE to go (if you know). How I can support you in making that a reality. I’ve got room for ONE new client in October. Is that you?
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Newest Book Reviews
Finding Your Way in a Wild New World - Martha Beck
I like Martha Beck. I liked her book Finding your Own North Star, which helps you create your new career, by focusing on - well - your North Star. It has helped influence my coaching, I dare say.
I was looking forward to reading this book. And there’s LOTS of goodness in it, about how to create your own reality. A lot of which I understand and subscribe to.
To a point.
Curious? Want to know more about what’s in it, what I liked about it and about bending spoons (I know)? Yes? Look no further ⬇️
🔴🟡🟠
Tineke Tammes is a Career Coach and supports professional women in making successful career transitions. Besides that she is also a lifelong feminist, part-time portrait artist, never-only-read-one-book-at-any-time reader, obsessive doodler and supporter of senior leaders in their career journey.
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I needed to read this today, Tineke. Life is full of unexpected happenings out of our control. But how we react is totally down to us. Terrible shocks can lead to wonderful change.