Discipline or enthusiasm?
About resistance, cathedrals and the excitement of sharing your gift with the world
Drawing by Tineke Tammes
She said ‘I’d like to set up a charity to help older people in my village to get them to feel less lonely’.
Once she was on a roll her ideas literally started to spout out.
The services she would provide, who she would get involved, how she would organise it all, how beneficial it would all be. How she could see, right now, how people were getting more and more isolated.
Her enthusiasm was infectious. She started brainstorming, ideas flew backwards and forwards. Her voice rose and gained in confidence.
Where before she kept saying ‘I don’t know what I want’ she so obviously did.
…
So far, so brilliant.
Except, I don’t think it ever happened.
After our call she went quiet.
I never spoke to her again.
Entering the cathedral
You see, I think this is what happens:
Your own enthusiasm scares you. You’re finding yourself in that space where - all of a sudden - what’s in front of you is SO FAR beyond your wildest dreams that you want to hide, turn back or - more commonly - procrastinate.
We spoke about it in last week’s newsletter. And I spoke about it again in my The Artist’s Way Group last weekend AND in Book Club (where we talked about Steven Pressfield’s EXCELLENT book The War of Art).
Resistance, Steven Pressfield calls it (yes, big R). A creative U-turn says Julia Cameron. Anxiety, says the godfather of creativity coaching, Eric Maisel.
Whatever you’d like to call it, it’s there, right?
So, I’d like to dedicate this newsletter to exactly that place.
In my group I called it ‘entering the cathedral’. Because that’s how it feels. This sense of awe and wonder. This feeling that you’ve got to stand still and adjust to the place you’re finding yourself in. The sense of something bigger - MUCH bigger - than yourself.
What cathedral?
I’m going to have to tell you a story.
You see, I’m not a religious person. I’m not necessarily in the habit of talking about churches and cathedrals. Other than that they are pretty impressive buildings.
But I do know that feeling. Of being overwhelmed.
Let me illustrate with a story:
We had driven all the way through Europe. Five months pregnant, driving from the middle of the Netherlands all the way down to the south of Spain. And now, after a two-week stay down in the south we were driving back up through the middle of Spain.
It was HOT. Forty degrees whilst we were driving through the middle of Spain. I remember stopping at a deserted roadside cafe. Two people slowly drinking a lukewarm drink, watching a (World Cup?) football game on TV.
At nine o’clock we decided to stop in Zaragoza, a mental picture in our head of an industrial town, a hot hotel room and a speedy departure early in the morning.
Except it wasn’t like that!
We waddled into town, stepped onto a beautiful but crowded town square and into the cathedral.
THAT feeling. Of being surprised. Of being in awe. Of HAVING to stop. That.
Now, I started this newsletter telling you about this woman I spoke to.
She said ‘I don’t know what I want’. Like so many of you say ‘I don’t know what I want’, or even ‘I don’t even know what I like doing anymore!’
Stepping into a cathedral and being in awe? WHAT cathedral?
Of course there is a process before we step into the cathedral. Before we know what we want. Before we even are aware there IS a cathedral to step into.
For some the realisation what we want comes quickly. And it can be overwhelming - or a relief.
For others it’s a slow process of experimentation, conversations and trying new things.
(Want to find out more about how you - too - can uncover what you WANT? Book a call!)
War - or enthusiasm?
But let’s stick with the subject. Because say you’re there. In awe.
What happens next?
Resistance happens. A creative U-turn happens. Anxiety happens.
You want to hide, run. Your inner voices start piping up: ‘That’s not for YOU! When have the likes of YOU ever been able to do something like that! What are you THINKING! That will NEVER make you any money. We’ve got bills to pay, you know! You don’t have what it takes. That is - by far - the most LUDICROUS idea I’ve ever heard from you. It will NEVER happen’
Familiar? Thought so.
Now, there are generally two schools of thought about this stage:
War
I’ll call it the Steven Pressfield school of war and battling of resistance. Discipline, is what he says. You want this? You want to do this thing?
Then knuckle down and be a professional! Sit down at your desk and bl***y well WRITE that book. Do something every day. Be available for inspiration to strike, but - you know - in the meantime pull your socks up and do the work!
Or, if you’re not too much of a fan of war and battle analogies, Elizabeth Gilbert says it too: be there for when inspiration strikes, when ideas float past. Because if you’re not there, at your desk, ready to catch them, they’ll pass you by.
Enthusiasm
No, says Julia Cameron. Discipline is all well and good, but is an absolute DRAIN on your willpower.
What about enthusiasm instead? What if you were SO enthusiastic about your project (book, business) that you couldn’t WAIT to get started every day?
Productive obsession, is what Eric Maisel calls it. When you’re SO obsessed with something that you literally can’t WAIT to do ‘the thing’. He even suggests that we take measures to get us SO obsessed with our project that it totally eclipses the fear (or anxiety) that could stop us from starting, keeping going and finishing our project.
Staying with it
But what if there was another way?
You see, I’m a BIG believer. I believe that you need to bring your genius to the world.
Like this Picasso quote:
The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.
Running out of the cathedral, making a creative U-turn. In other words, NOT doing what you KNOW is the right thing to do?
You would be depriving the world of that genius of yours.
So what to do?
Sitting with the feelings
There are fears and there are fears. THIS particular fear? Of finding yourself in front of something that is BIG, that is SCARY, that is ABSOLUTELY pulling on your heart strings and the right thing to do?
It lives next to excitement. And you’re going to have to sit with it. Go through it. Live it.
Reframing your fear
Your fear sits right next to excitement. So, what if you reframe it that way. What if - every time you think about your project (book, business, anyway) - you think of it as excitement? It FEELS the same with the butterflies in your stomach, right?
Breaking it down
How to eat an elephant? Well, you know the rest.
It can feel BIG, this project of yours. Which means you’re going to have to break it down. Even take some steps that may turn out not to be the right steps.
But take the very first, smallest step that doesn’t make you want to run away. And then the step after that. Learn and move forward. Step after step after step.
Creating habits
You see, for those of you who have read Atomic Habits will know this. Yes, you can rely on your willpower for a LONG time (especially if you have the iron will of a Controller or a Hyper Achiever).
But a better way? Create habits.
I write this newsletter every Wednesday morning. I don’t always FEEL like writing a newsletter. But I do it. Because I’ve created a habit.
Showing up, doing the work, being at your desk, taking little steps forward.
I believe it’s an easier way than relying on iron-willed discipline OR enthusiasm.
It’s more likely to make you take steps forward every day.
So that you can have that satisfying feeling that you’re taking steps forward - or learn.
So that, ultimately, you can go and share YOUR amazing gift with the world.
Which leads me to the following questions:
What is YOUR gift?
And what’s stopping YOU from sharing that with the world?
Tineke X
PQ News
This week I started the VERY FIRST Positive Intelligence (PQ) GROUP programme, aimed at helping you recognise and weaken your Saboteurs and grow your powers of empathy, explore, navigate, innovate and activate. (Check it out here).
FOUR women have started in the group with me this week and I’m looking forward to supporting them on - what I have no doubt will be an IMPACTFUL - journey.
Want to know more? Do YOU no longer want to be stopped by your Saboteurs (inner critics)?
Book a Saboteur Call with me now to find out what (who) is stopping YOU sharing your gift with the world.
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